Everything you need to know BEFORE you file for divorce
- A view of the marriage vows -
Keith Green
For this article we have long time. Almost every day we received letters in which we were asked, but even to address this issue. On several occasions we had already planned to publish an entire issue to it. But every time we started, we were clear that the issues raised and discussed biblical passages as strong and controversial and have been interpreted in particular that we encounter only in a hornet's nest, if we would print "our" views. Therefore, so far nothing came of it.
But over time we were this tragic problem that grows there in church and community aware. For one, my wife and I "auseindandergefallen" many personal friends, whose marriages in recent years. These include many well-known Christian musicians and others who stand for God in the service. For my wife Melody and I was like a stab in the heart watch to have to like a marriage fell apart after the other, and we heard an apology after another why they "just not together anymore could live ... "Then we watched as many of those affected rather quickly married someone else and told us:" Well, NOW I'm REALLY happy! God has done all this wonderful ... Perhaps everything was actually His will "and at the same time there was the former husband or former spouse, it hurt, was bleeding internally and always being asked:" What has happened? Where am I now? ". And then follow guilt and torment
We have letters from many wives and husbands have received that we have begged for help, give them but a piece of advice, what to do. us painted the saddest pictures in front of our intellectual Eye. Images of struggle, mistrust, broken promises, and - worst of all - frightened children who had been completely innocent in this crossfire.
This article will answer all your theological questions about divorce and remarriage. "Is that okay?", "Is it allowed me to do that?", "What if I am married again?" All these issues are among the most difficult issues of Bible study - and already have basic endless debate among most scholars. The reason is that it seems as if the Bible do here in many areas unclear statements. Of course "we" have an opinion on these statements (And so it seemed every community and church in your place!), But we do not reproduce here only opinions. We want to provide rock-solid truths - truths ABSOLUTE! For this reason, we have also given the article exactly this name: "Everything you need to know, BEFORE you file for divorce."
We know that God has said quite clearly: "I hate divorce!" (Malachi 2:16). And so we want to achieve, before you commit this fatal error. The best time to deal with sin, the time is BEFORE it happens. Of course, God precautionary taken by the possibility of repentance and healing. But the "who can" and "why", which are made in connection with the subject of divorce and remarriage to be in church and community groups discussed so hard that we stay out of this brawl would like. (Write to us so please do not think what you believe that God allows or "this or that person can get divorced and is still at peace with God") Frankly, the reason for these items is with the whole WHAT-IF's to address. We have an interest to save marriages (and families) to be saved.
Just like melody's article have helped to abortion to save little lives, we also pray that this article uses the family life of many households keep. May the many children saved from torture, remain to be raised by separated parents. A state by the way, is completely contrary to God's declared plan for the family in the Bible. It is never our intention "to argue about words" (2 Tim 2:14), for "the letter kills but the Spirit gives life" (2 Corinthians 3:6) We want to spread the spirit of Christ, " came that her life habet. the fullness of life! " (John 10:10) It is this "life" of which we would like to say in this article the "full of victorious battles and overcome temptations. - Keith
marriage - passion or patience?
Some time ago I received a call from a very sad brother, who tried to reach me by phone for several days. He told me of his wife, who was about to leave him. She did not listen to him or her pastor and was not at all willing to talk in any way about everything. He said that the reason for his call, that she would appreciate our newsletter very much, and they have a lot of respect for me and our ministry. He was apparently safe - if only I were ready, they would certainly talk to me and perhaps come to their senses. I told him I would be happy if I could try it once. He put the phone to the side and a few minutes later she was on the line. She giggled somewhat nervous.
I said, "I have heard that you want to file for divorce and end your marriage."
"Yes," she said.
I ask: "Why?"
She replies, "Because I just love him anymore ... and besides, even if we are divorced, I can indeed serve the Lord still like him."
"Well," I said, "what 'love' is concerned, the Bible says that women should love their husbands, it does not mean that one should feel love -. She says that love Thou shalt love is not a feeling! , it is not 'romantic', but something you do on the basis of a commitment Actually -.! It's a commitment. " At the other end it was a few seconds of silence. Then she said:.. "That was a nobody predicted I thought if I should no more love for my husband SENSITIVITY, why not try it then do so, as if you were in love What is the point to pretend that there is still hope for our marriage, when I no longer 'love'? "
"I understand," was my reply. "The world has the principle of love twisted so much that people go from one relationship to another, from one marriage to another, simply because the" Love is "feelings away. The truth is that these feelings do not already are "love" have been! They were then more "Romantic Feelings", which come and go. They are based on moods and circumstances, and most of the excitement, the "tingling", the mystic of a 'new' relationship. As soon as the " has worn New ', one finds that eating just one sitting across from another human being - and that's where the challenge begins. It has a lot of promises made - including the vow to love and common life "until the death do us' - and now you should find out what this word 'love' really means. Or is there really no hope for your marriage "
At this point the conversation we got another long distance and I had to go, so I prayed with this woman -. Directly on the phone in this prayer I asked God to her these principles "to brand into the consciousness" so that wherever they turn in, you always see God's commandment "Love your husband!" too.
Well, during that prayer, much power of God really on us. The couple visited later and told us that God has really healed their marriage. The women say that they have a half hour after the call wept and prayed with her husband. She said that I had asked God, you bake the words - and that's what he had done! She said she had never understood before, that love does not feel even an option but a commandment is. An activity and a decision to comply with the obligation that they had received and her husband each other and to God, to love always . How free it worked! She was no longer a slave of their "I-love-not-feeling, they now understood that love is something to which God is not only committed, but also enabled. And the feelings came to the obedience ! She said that whenever she behaved as she loves her husband, this love we actually felt. How grateful Melody and I were God, as we the tears of the two and their praise to God overlooked. And played as her two little girls at our feet, we look forward to even more basic to us that God spared them both, he had held by mom and dad from destroying their family.
The children
How many times have you heard this: "They stay together just for the kids." I remember when I heard this phrase for the first time. Back then I was not a Christian, thinking: "What a load as they can maintain a miserable relationship just because of the children?" Well, my wife and I now own three wonderful little treasures that we raise and educate love and fear of God should. I can understand the reasons for the tormented parents now. They like each other may not be able to endure. But still they both love their children so much that they would not dream of it, to force it, with two different Parents have to face two different houses to.
In our current "liberated" society, there are fewer and fewer people who are selfless. And unfortunately spills out "me first" mentality of the communities and churches. Instead of being concerned primarily about the welfare of their children, couples argue, "If I am not happy, what is the point then to ensure that they are my children?" "Why - it would be much easier for the children to live without all these arguments ..." And often come many who see themselves confronted with divorce, even from broken families and have vowed: "I will be the MY children hurt never, "and the difficult feelings of guilt and sentencing later if they get divorced, too.
I would not claim here that couples stay together just because they have children. This alone is not enough reason to a shaky hold together marriage. Many people avoid to deal with the real problems in their marriage, by advancing the children as the "only" reason to stay together. If you do then just carry on, each other to deep in the heart despise any worse while things. What I would like to cite are some rules that will help you answer the question "Should we get a divorce or endure it?" at all not to arise in the first by replacing them with the question "What can we do to overcome our problems we have in our marriage, so we create a loving home for our family and to honor God do?"
(1) Never say "divorce"
Some time ago I spoke with my neighbor David Wilkerson, and he told me how much all the broken marriages made to create in communities. He told of people who would be in service and ladders that he knew who had thrown in the towel. Then he said something that really hit the nail on the head: "You know, Keith, God gave me made clear to a principle that a lot could marriages protect them from divorce, words are powerful things and I believe that Christians will one should be taught -.. Namely, that there is a word that avoided under all circumstances must be: Divorce!
I can remember when Melody and I were married young. We were not yet Christians, but then I have already said that divorce would be eliminated as an option for me. In this way, I was always forced me work through any problem. Mr. Wilkerson explained to me as his principle, I knew that the truth was. "But nobody can tame the tongue of the people. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison" (James 3:8) I believe that married couples keep the word "divorce" for the dirtiest word in German language should be. It should NEVER be used. (Better yet, it should never or only the remotest possibility be considered!), You would kill your own child but not when out of control without them, right? They would try to find a solution. Well, it would be difficult and cumbersome, they might lose patience, but they would never even think about killing her child! Divorce is just that: Killing of marriage and family. And to talk about divorce talk about murder. To think of divorce are suicidal. The only way to see it. You may use this word never, NEVER use as a weapon in a dispute. If you have already done it, you'll hear on it. If you already have their eye on the door, you will never be able to bend things back. The sooner they stop thinking about divorce and talk about it, the sooner there will be an atmosphere of love and trust between you and your partner can build.
(2) What do you say, also
One of the most destructive things you can say their husband or wife is, "Thomas does not like that but ..." or Susan at her home, but makes it so that it looks REALLY nice! " No matter what ever you do - you never compare your partner with others to explain to him something. God you have not given Thomas - he has given you your husband. You better start to be thankful for him and listen to it, according to the "greener grass" on Thomas' home to squint. And God has not permitted you to marry Susan - so listen to them, they should be used as comparison and to make your wife as a total bitch. You must begin in each other's to accept how he is and work from that point of view of love and patience. Adding to the problems that other people do not have to point you only cause injuries. You deal directly with the problems themselves, without anyone or anything to get into the game.
(3) But I have married the wrong person!
That may be VERY true. It is very likely that you are vorangeprescht and married the only best person to which you have "love". Or you might have married because they felt unsafe and inspired them, that suddenly there was someone who was interested in for you and you wanted to. What uch is your personal story is, if they obey any other reason, as God and to give Him the glory, got married, it's more than likely that they, in fact, with the wrong person are married (or at least with the right person at the wrong time - and all the wrong reasons).
Now - before you breathe easier now and call your lawyer, wait a minute. Even in the event that you have given your marriage vows to the wrong person and, if done for completely selfish and self-serving reasons is - IT IS STILL A PROMISE, and God wants you to hold it in honor!
"If you're doing God a vow, so do not delay to pay it;. For he is not pleased at the gates of what you vow, pay is better that you not vow than that you vow and not pay Permit.. your mouth, not that he do sin your flesh, and do not talk before the messenger of God, it was a mistake: why should God be angry at thy voice and destroy the work of your hands? (Proverbs 5.4 to 6)
Even if it were true that you have made completely out of the will of God, a marriage, you must be aware that it is now God's will view your mistakes, to ask his forgiveness and then - through His grace - her current marriage to a Godly make. Please do not think that it is ok to file for divorce with a quasi-Christian apology: "Well, NOW I will obey God, let me separate from the first that I would not be allowed to marry in God's eyes and finally the / to marry the right person can! " It may sound like a "spiritual" reasons, but there will now be very few people who will believe, was that divorce, in order to please God. The least you itself (not to mention God). There
In Paul's epistle to the Romans it is a wonderful promise: "We know that those who love God all things work for good to those who are called according to purpose." (Romans 8:28) How many things? ALL THINGS! It's true - even our mistakes and missteps, our absolutely stupid mistakes! God knows all about trying to take garbage and jewels to make them. Take a look at Peter (whom the Lord in Mark 8, 32-33 had to admonish so rudely), read about David (and his adultery with Bathsheba - which later became the mother of Solomon the next king of Israel) ... and look after yourself. If God could not take a miserable, error-filled life and turn it simply into a blessing and growth, but then no one could ever get to heaven!
The meaning of marriage
As Melody and I became Christians, we were married about five years. We began to attend a church that taught us a lot about marriage and family. We were grateful, because we had had in our first year of marriage a lot of disputes. One thing that is telling our pastor at that time, we stayed all the time present.
He began his sermon series on marriage, as he told us what was God's intention for a believing husband: his wife for the kingdom of God to make a success. And God's intention with the wife? You guessed it: your husband for the Kingdom of God to make a success. But what name? Does it mean to make sure that your husband made a lot of money and rising living? Not at all. It means that our main task is to pray for our partners to encourage him to advise and correct each other in love, so that the other is absolutely God in all his deeds may be pleasing to God. The is one of the most exciting teachings on marriage, I've heard! In the end is love, the other for his own good serve. It should be our goal, our spouse to "best Christians in general" to do - through prayer, support, through our attitude, in the service, and particularly in giving is to love him! If you do that really your goal, it will be absolutely no time for selfishness have brought them to the arguments that they had. The Bible is full of treasures concerning this subject:
"Husbands, love your wives, even as the Lord the church: loved and gave himself for it, that sanctified them, purifying them by the washing with water through the word, that he, the community represented himself glorified, which did not stain or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it holy and was perfectly. "(Ephesians 5:25-27)
The Bible tells us that the husbands of the line in all spiritual things as" head and priest of the household should take over. "There should be a daily time for common Bible reading and prayer give (just like a time for the entire family if they have children). No couple can stay long and bitter quarrel, if there is a time of deep and sincere prayer is common. (Are you on guard. If they find they do not pray can not or do, then the enemy and their relationship already in the grip of true prayer is the surest way to solve this!)
For You as a wife who would like to maybe make the excuse that your husband is not the spiritual leader who should be, and cite this as a reason that you have no hope for your marriage - the Bible also has a medicine for you:
"Likewise, ye women, be submissive your own husbands, that, although some of the words not obey , they may be obtained by the transformation of women without word by having looked at your chaste fear change. "(1 Peter 3:1-2)
How wonderful balance of God's Word!
And finally ... Love, love, and again LOVE!
I can principle, vob I told the woman at that time by phone, not stress this enough. That woman who was convinced that divorce was the only answer, because your "man no longer loved her." Do not fall into this Trap! Love is not a feeling, but a bond, a decision or a commitment. I pray that God burn-this truth in the same way in your understanding of how he did it with her. That was what God meant when he said: "I will write my law on their hearts" (Jeremiah 31:33) He wants "your conscience mitzeugt from the truth" (Rom 2:15).
Remember - God is love is not for you. YOU have to love your husband or wife. This means do decide what is best for the spouse. It does not mean waiting for the right "feeling." But if you now do the right thing and loving - you do not worry. The right feelings will follow the right actions ALWAYS. Your marriage, your family, the Body of Christ [and the cause of the Gospel) *) depend on it that you make the decision to love. In everything you do.
"Love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things ... all done in love with you."
(1 Cor 13, 7 and 16, 14)
*) Translator's note: "the cause of the gospel" was here with "the cause of the Gospel "played. Cause can also mean opportunity or pathogen, etc.. The relationship is not entirely clear to me here.
